We Need To Raise Better Sons

Misogynists are trying to recruit our sons; we can't let them.

At first appearances, this may appear sexist. Surely I should simply say “We Need To Raise Better Children”. But there is a reality here that we cannot avoid. It’s still a man’s world.

Despite the progress some countries have made in re-establishing the dominance of women in leading communities, we are woefully behind where we need to be. The world is run by men. The futures’ of our children are dictated by men. Whether or not our planet will be hospitable will be ultimately decided by a select group of powerful men. Whether or not there will be equality or equity is dependent on those who, by a chance genetic event, are automatically granted a better chance at life.

Don’t get me wrong. Some women have managed to go shoulder to shoulder with male leaders, elbowing their way through the dense forest of power-hungry men to achieve positions of influence. Mostly though, this is achieved by being better at being a dominant male than men are; it is by playing the game, the rules of which are set by the patriarchy. Is there space for women to be women in leadership positions? Indeed, is there space for men who have no inclination to dominate over others to lead?

As I say, my opening premise is sexist. But I think the reality is deeply and profoundly sexist. The vast majority of men and women are not power-hungry, nor will they partake in cutthroat politics to achieve leadership positions and wealth. But the reality remains that those who will are mostly men.

So we must turn our attention to the men of the future: our sons. It is here where women and civil men have the greatest influence on the patriarchy and the sexism at the heart of the current status quo.

It’s not just socially orientated folk who have realised this power; that the future of the planet and who will lead it is dependent on what the next male generation looks like and thinks like. For this reason, there is considerable resource poured into trying to influence our sons into thinking like the very misogynists who wish to maintain and extend their dominance over women (and everyone).

It’s rarely direct. It’s rarely ‘Men are superior to women and should dominate over them’, or ‘Men know best and should run the planet’. It starts with a thread of reasonableness or a problem that genuinely exists, like ‘Women are biologically superior to men for raising kids’. Or it plays on the male insecurity and the fact if men were to treat women with equal respect and form relationships with women that are equal then men would not be able to do whatever they want whenever they want.

And here we reach the crux of the matter. The greatest motivation for supporting backwards misogynists like Tate, Musk, Trump, Johnson, etc…, is the promise that men can do whatever they want whenever they want.

You feel like gaming? Go ahead, game. You are the dominant one, you are in charge, no woman can tell you what to do.

You’re horny? Isn’t it your wife’s duty to satisfy those needs? Or perhaps it’s reasonable for you to get a mistress or pay for it. After all, isn’t it in the male’s DNA that they should seek to have sex with as many women as possible?

Eat what you want. Say whatever comes to your mind. Make the decisions you want and everyone around you has to obey. Isn’t this the true definition of a ‘successful man’?

Now imagine this messaging is delivered to young men who have yet to even regulate their own desires or determine their goals. Imagine telling a teenager that you don’t have to limit what you do or suppress your strong instinctive desires. You don’t have to put the effort into relationships or understanding the world at any higher moral level; just ‘be who you are’. Even though, they haven’t yet formed who they are yet.

Our sons are the target of the emotionally stunted, cognitively underdeveloped, damaged oligarchs, religious extremists, white supremacists, and stark misogynists. They have powerful tools to hook them and drive them into a certain development, away from civility and the ability to form proper relationships.

The biggest rallying cry is to simply “do what you want whenever you want”, and this, according to the paid, morally impotent influencers, means you are always in the right. Surely, if I do what I feel to be right then I must be right, says the 15-year-old who hasn’t experienced the real world yet.

I have no specific solution to this because the exact solution is not the issue. We must merely parent. Parenting doesn’t stop when our kids can disappear into their rooms or get on their phones on car journeys. We simply have to parent throughout their adolescence. And yes, as most parents understand too well, it often means saying no a lot and setting boundaries. It is useful for the developing young adult to realise that i) they are not always right, ii) they can’t always just follow how they feel - they have to think too -, and iii) relationships have rules and order and the necessity to cooperate.

There must also be examples of how to live properly. There must be avenues for kids to develop into. Adults must model the right behaviour, including respect for women. Passions that parents often worry will get in the way of their kid’s studying - music, art, dance, content creating, skateboarding, etc… - often provide the very anchor to pull them through this self-defining time in a relatively safe and consistent space.

The long and short of it is that in this current time, we must protect the young and developing minds of our teenagers and young adults. It’s not easy. But rarely is anything worthwhile easy.

Photo by Kaysha on Unsplash